Almost everyone on the planet has heard of the Olympic Games, but only a few have heard of the Cotswold Olimpick games, and yes, it is spelled Olimpicks.
“They copied the Greeks and can’t spell,” said senior Patrick Coffey.
The games began in 1612, making them far older than the modern Olympics, thanks to the British lawyer Robert Dover. Since then the games have been held on and off over the years at Dover’s Hill near the town of Chipping Campden in Gloucestershire, England.
The games consist of the events tug of war, gymkhana, dwile flonking, motorcycle scrambling, judo, piano smashing, morris dancing, and poetry. With events like these it is hard to imagine why only a few thousand attend. Who wouldn’t want to watch piano smashing when it combines all the elegance of the piano with the fun of smashing things?
“That’s definitely something I would YouTube, it’s so pure in idiocrasy and brutality,” said senior Daniel Large.
Although, the real headliner in the Cotswold games is shin-kicking. If you have ever thought to yourself that your shins are too healthy then this is the sport for you because it is exactly what it sounds like. Two competitors hold each other by the collar and proceed to kick each other in the shin. The match is scored by a judge and the winner is the best of three rounds. Competitors are required to stuff their pants with straw, which serves to soften the blows.
Modern competitors are required to wear soft-toed shoes but it is said that shin-kickers in years past would wear steel-toed boots and hit their shins with hammers to toughen then up before competitions.
“I would watch it for the comic relief,” said Coffey.
Shin-kicking has become so popular due to the Cotswold games that there is now a Skin-Kicking Association of Britain and they are actively trying to make it an Olympic sport. The association (SKAB for short) claims that it’s a discipline of wrestling and should be in the Olympics because it’s better than “namby-pamby pastimes” like competitive walking and synchronized swimming.
“I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it but if it was on TV, I would watch it to see the athletes, and it’s better than curling,” said Large.
Wondering what you can do to help SKAB’s cause? Sign their petition and help them prove that shin-kicking is played by men in 75 countries and women in 40 countries, and then they’re on their way to being an Olympic sport.